Love

Sometimes I think that the four letter word that should really be banned from the English language is LOVE. The word gets used in so many different, inappropriate ways. It is used in the most wishy-washy fuzzy sense that it loses all meaning. It is used so lightly that some people find it possible to profess their undying love for someone even as they are sticking the proverbial knife in that person’s back. It is used to humiliate others as greater and greater demands are required in its name. It is used to force people to stay in physically and emotionally violent situations; and it used to justify the breaking up of stable families. The word “love” is used to justify, manipulate and perpetuate some of the most painful, useless, exploitative and even horrific acts which the human race has ever managed to perpetrate. There seems good reason for banning it.

And yet in the midst of all this we dare to say: God is love. We dare to hear Jesus' commandment: Love one another as I have loved you. What is it that we can say then that love is? How shall we define love in a world in which that word is so misused?

The kind of love which Jesus talks about is an unpopular type because it threatens people's worldview and people's power-bases. The kind of obedience in love which Jesus demands leads to real and painful consequences. Jesus' commandment is not given lightly, nor is it an easy one. It demands deep commitment and plenty of endurance. It is given because for Jesus we are not servants but friends, companions on the hard road on which he travelled and still travels with us.

I have a very old poster with a picture of a much-loved and much-worn Teddy Bear seated in an old wooden chair. There are places where the bear’s seams have needed to be re-done and they have been done by hand in big child-like stitches. There are places where the stuffing protrudes through these repairs. The material is worn. It no longer carries all its fur. The bear only has one button eye left; and in the space where the other should be there is more stitching… in the shape of a cross. The caption says:

Learn to listen like a Teddy Bear
With ears open and mouth closed tight.
Learn to forgive like a Teddy Bear
With heart open, not caring who is right.
Learn to love like a Teddy Bear
With arms open and imperfect eyesight.

For me, this poster captures something of the kind of love that Jesus enacts. It is a love that brings with it hard decisions and hard actions that leave us worn-out and wounded in places. It's not the kind of love that leaves you with a feeling of self-satisfaction but more often with the recognition that although you have loved as much as you are able, there is still room for more love to be given and received. It's the kind of love that lead Kahlil Gibran to write in this book The Prophet: “For even as love crowns you so shall love crucify you.”